Friday, February 15, 2008

Dear Mr Car Salesman

Dear Mr Car Salesman at Dealership #1,

You were really very nice. I like that you kept telling us that you are not in this for the commission because you are three times retired and you do this for fun. That was sweet but a bunch of crap, I'm sure. Who would voluntarily be an ass hole for "the fun of it". But you were kind and patient with our questions and if we ever do go back to dealership #1, I want you.

Dear Mr Car Salesman at Dealership #2,

Oh sweetie, you are adorable! I thought you were not allowed to drive these cars until you were 25 because of insurance. You cannot be a day over 16. You adorable little thing. What part of "this is the most we can do" don't you understand? I really did not appreciate you taking our car keys and refusing to release them for over an hour while your jerk off of a manager tried to talk us into paying $200 more than we wanted to a month. And speaking of your manager, You have got to inform him that the leather Members Only jacket with a thin tie screams CAR SALESMAN. He had more teeth than a shark and he was so fake I could poo. And I can almost bet that he has never been to Tyler, Texas in his life and if Jeff would have said he was from Neptune, that greasy manager would have said that he was from there too think he had a "familiar" with us and an edge.

Dear Mr Car Salesman at dealership #3,

You were nice too but it is unfortunate that the night before we saw "Trading Places" with Eddie Murphy and you sounded exactly like Billy Ray Valentine from the train scene.

Louis Winthorpe III: Nenge? Nenge Mboko? It is me, Lionel Joseph!
Billy Ray Valentine: Lionel! From the African Education Conference!
Louis Winthorpe III: Yah, mon, I was Director of Cultural Activities at the Haile Selassie Pavilion.
Billy Ray Valentine: I remember the pavilion - we had big fun there!
Both: Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah! Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah!
Billy Ray Valentine: Oh, memories!

It was all I could think about plus I was stressed because I could only understand every third word and I had to pick up the girls from school.

Dear MISS Car Sales WOMEN from car dealership #4,

I hate you. You are pond scum. You and your fake collagen lips and orange bottle tan, who are you fooling? You were painful to look at and I hate you with every fiber of my being. You called my husband to tell him that you have worked out a deal within our budget and to come down with your wife to sign. You promised him that the deal was what you two had agreed on. So after I pick up my kids from school and drive them down to the dealership you try to seduce the girls with your fancy hot chocolate. You sat down with us to say that you had to crunch some more numbers and it is actually $300 MORE A MONTH to get us in the car. $300 more a month that we had agreed on. You mad me cart my kids all the way here just so you can humiliate us in front of them. You are a whore. I hate you and I sincerely hope your lips explode. You are a very ugly women, inside and out.

We did NOT get a new car.



linda7377 said...

As I've told you before, "I HATE CAR SALESMAN ... I HATE THEM!!!! I HATE THEM!!!! I HATE THEM!!! It's no wonder Car Salesman are at the top of the ScumBucket List. I HATE THEM!!!

frogsoupdeluxe said...

DON'T buy a new car at a dealer, either. If you have to finance it, you always end up spending too much money, twice and sometimes 3 or 4 times what it's worth, which is about a 50% depreciation once it leaves the lot. Legal thieves, they are, next only to a Kirby saleman, which I had the pleasure of chasing away from my elderly parents just last week. He asked me what my name is, and i told him " to you, i'm the devil!!!!"

frogsoupdeluxe said...

And you're right.....they all lie, especially the ones that speak, or have lips.

amyjonhall said...

A little piece of advice for what its worth. I too dread buying a car-- I hate the anxiety with a passion. A year ago Nov, Jon and I did a lot of research and had a pretty good idea what we wanted and what we could afford. We then found a local Subaru dealer that has one salesperson solely dedicated to internet sales. We contacted him through their website, proceeded to make all the negociations on price back and forth on email- avoiding the awful scene at the dealer. After we got to a point where we were satisfied with a price, we printed the email, made an appt with him, went and test drove the car, let them run our credit etc. We were out of there with a car in an hour. The easiest experience ever.  

cyndiblock said...

Wowsers! That is actually the 2nd time I have heard that advice. Thank you. We will try that when we have composed ourselves enough to jump back in.