I have so many things going on right now that I am dizzy.
I can’t mention all of it for a few more days in order not to jinx it.
My lists aren’t working.
A few years ago my doctor gave me a few pills for what she called “a bout of depression” The pills made me feel as though everything was A-OK. I did not have the ability to make mountains out of molehills and it was nice. However, I didn’t feel like me so after
The prescription ran out I never renewed.
SOME PEOPLE do not know what it feels like to have depression. Those people say “snap out of it” not knowing that if you could you most certainly would.
You may remember that I was having blackouts and a few stability problems a while back. I had no less than 3 MRI’s and many, many visits with my neurologist. I also had a spinal tap for good measure. They thought that I may have MS.
Nothing came from those tests except for a diagnosis of Carpel Tunnel and a new prescription for happy pills. He figured that I was creating symptoms in my head because I was depressed.
Ok, back to the lists. I make lots of lists, endless lists. I have lists for each member of the family, lists for Jeff’s business, lists for Jeffs work and my work, lists for the house and each room in it, lists for activities, etc... Why? Because the satisfaction of being able to cross something off of a list is equivalent to peeling a label clean off of a bottle. It is a sense of accomplishment that keeps me sane. It keeps me from feeling like I am not doing anything worthy and that feeling keeps me sane. Off of the happy pills.
However, as I mentioned before, the lists aren’t working and I am feeling like I am drowning sometimes. I do have a lot of craziness going on. More now than usual.
This too shall pass and I will be writing again about how bored I am and have nothing to write about. But until then I cross off update blog for a few days. Or maybe I will surprise you with a new post on Monday, who knows?