Sunday, October 8, 2006

Because Jeff doesn't read my Blawwwwg.

I can write whatever I want about him. Friday was a very bad, sad, bummer day. We put Otis down, And I know that you are sick of hearing about already but tough titty, It is my Blaaaawwwwgg. I can write what I want.

Thursday night I had had the talk with Alyssa and told her what was happening. She was very sad but understood that he was in pain and she didn't like seeing him like that. Now follow me on this. I made a crucial mistake, I did not say anything to Emma. I know, she has feelings too but you have to understand the relationship between Emma and the animals. There wasn't any. She basically ignored them. She would see him lying in the same spot for two days and thought nothing of it. I called my boss and told him what I had to do and that I would be in late. When I told Jeff this he got mad. He said that he wanted to go alone. I told him that I was going and that was that. Now I know why he wanted to go by himself.

Jeff is a man's man. He doesn't show emotion. This used to bother me but I got used to it. I have seen him cry once. A very close friend of our was murdered. Understandably it was a horrible experience but that is another blog entry. He cried and cried with me. He claims he cried when he watched Legends of The Fall, but I never saw any tears.

On Friday, we put Otis in the car. That itself was sad. Otis' hips had gone out. He could not walk or stand without difficulty. As we drove to the vet, I lost it. Silently I was crying because I didn't want to upset Otis. He always sensed when we were sad. I looked around for a tissue in Jeff's car. He usually kept a roll of toilet paper around. I couldn't find any but saw that Jeff reached back and found a napkin. I thought he was going to give it to me but he wiped his cheek. That was all I needed to start the heaves. Jeff was crying over his loyal trusting pup. It was a silent ride. When we got there he told me to give him a few minutes. The vet was a blur because I was hysterical. They were wonderful though. Very caring and sweet. The vet said that he could railroad us for hundreds of dollars to keep him going for a few months but he was a firm believer of quality of life.

That was it, that was the end of an incredible ten years with a dog so wonderful he could have been a real life Lassie. When I left for work, I hugged Jeff and he sobbed on my shoulder. It was a very painful day for him.

But then there was Emma. Emma, who I completely underestimated. After I picked up Alyssa and told her what happened. She was sad but not too bad. I told her that I wanted to tell Emma by myself. We picked her up and I told Alyssa to wait in the car while I sat on a bench with her sister. Emma was really happy because there was a party at school. She was jabbering about her goodie bag. I said " Emma, Otis died today. He was really sick."

This moment will be in my memory for the rest of my life. I swear that to you. The look of shock and sadness was startling to me. She said " Otis is dead?! But he was my friend." She then started to cry loudly with giant tears. "Otis was my dog, Spooky was Alyssa's but Otis was mine. and I never got to play with him." It was not a good day. Alyssa came out of the car and they hugged each other and cried together. When we got into the car to go, Emma said, " I was so happy when I went to school but now I am just so sad." And there in my 1999 Ford Escort. my heart broke into a million pieces and I realized that being an adult sometimes sucks rocks.

That was my Friday, October 6th, 2006. If I rated my days in a journal it would have been a D-.

 We are talking about getting another dog but I need time.

We spent all day Sunday cleaning up the back yard. It was a good workout and we didn't have anytime to think about it anymore. By the way, thank you so much for the emails and phone calls and understanding. It really helped.

6 comments:

loraloo0604 said...

Cindy - again, I am so sorry.  I'm crying and I'd never even met Otis.  You're right.  Sometimes being the adult sucks coal.

cyndiblock said...

Hey  Cyndi,
I am so sorry to hear about your dog. It's very sad.
I don;t really know what to say ... I just wanted to say ""hey" and I know
how you feel. I felt the same when our dog had to be put to  sleep...
I hope you, guys, are OK.
Love,
Juia

cyndiblock said...

CYNDI!

I happen to be thinking of you today and logged onto your site and read about OTIS....and started balling my head off right here at work!

I had to get up and close the door and put my phone on do not disturb....I was so sad...! How are you? Well - i know how you and Jeff are after reading the blog...oh my gosh! I needed a warning - i was so shocked...He was such a good dog...so loyal and loving to those girls - Oh I have to stop typing or I will start crying again....

How are you besides?  Pics of the girls are so cute...what darlings!  I think two is such a magical number-don't you?? 2 is perfect - 3 seems like putting yellow mustard on a hot dog when you meant Spicy brown mustard....hmmmm! Just my thoughts...
don't you think a nap while the girls are at school would be great? Aren't you just so tired? Aren't you glad you aren't up with the girls allnight...   Again just my thoughts...!

I love you and love the girls and Jeff!

XOXO
Nikki

cyndiblock said...

To you both....Jeff and Cyndi...
I've just read your blog, Cyndi, and ya know, Jeff should read it as well..... I could never have worded your thoughts any better.......those are "your" thoughts and your heart has been put right "out there" for us to share in.....  Life is not always fun and giggles....life is "real" and you have expressed some of the pain that goes along with "real".

Otis was not "just a dog", and his loss will not be one that is easily forgotten.  I'm sitting here crying for you all.....for Jeff and the girls....BOTH girls...  It's amazing how their feelings can go un-noticed by us in the busyness of everyday life.  Actually, I don't think you have ever mentioned Emma even caring about the dogs, much less liking them..... BUT......she has her own ways, and she misses Otis too....

Time is a great healer.......I believe with all my heart that this is why God created it....time...  In Ecclesiastes 3 (Old Testament) there is a whole chapter that deals with "time".  It's amazing and I urge you to read it.  God is good and in just the right time, you will want another puppy.  No, it will not be Otis, nor will it be like him....but....it will be a new pup with it's own personality and will indeed be a new famiy member.....a new friend and companion to you all...

Please know that  I do love you all soooooooo much......I do......and I am praying for you as you get through this time of pain...

I wanted to call, but, I would only cry and so would you..

Love you SO MUCH,
Mom/Marti/Grammy

cyndiblock said...

Hey, I am sorry about  Otis...i remember when he was a pup...such a cutey....he was a great dog...and u gave him  a  great life..  
Eric

jillypie1970 said...

I am really sorry to hear about Otis.  He was a very handsome guy!

And don't kid yourself...my Fluffy died in 1991 and I STILL cry over him.  Don't be getting a new dog just yet...