taking a break
from my blog
A siesta, if you will.
I will return on September 5th, 2006
Oy, the week I had. On Monday I had a FUN party, On Wednesday we went to my mom's friend, Sue's house. On Thursday it was dinner and a movie with Emma, on Friday it was Pampered Chef at Nicole's, On Saturday it was a party at Mom's friend, Rhoda's house and today it was Chinese theme pot luck at Abbe's. I only have pictures at Rhoda's house but trust me, I am exhausted. This week will be a little quieter. We are going to Utah on Friday but that is it. Look to the left for the pics of the week.
I don't have any parties booked until September 8th.
I lied to Emma. I feel really guilty about it. My BFF, Abbe, has a little girl who is BFF with Alyssa. She is friends with Emma too but Alyssa and This little girl are a little closer. Abbe has invited Alyssa to join them in an overnight trip. There will be two older girls there and Emma is one too many to watch which I completely understand. There are many issues I am having with this. I love that Alyssa was invited. She will have an absolute blast. Emma’s feelings will be hurt when she finds out where she went but I cannot expect them to do everything together. They are not joined at the hip nor are they the same age. They will have their own friends. But right now… they have the same friend and right now... It is Alyssa’s time to go with them. Why should I punish Alyssa and not let her go?
Anyway... Tonight my mom and I are taking Emma to dinner and a movie and she will spend the night at grandmas. Alone, no Alyssa, which she is very excited about. But…….she thinks Alyssa will be home with us. She thinks that she is the only one that gets a special treat. She thinks…. And I lied and told her yes. I lied to her. Different then the lie I tell the kids about the library being closed just because I don’t feel like going. That lie has been handed down from my father to me when he told me that Rodeo Drive was closed in Beverly Hills that time I wanted to go. Different then the lie I told her about me being a mermaid and meeting Daddy on a rock where he saw me, fell in love therefore me getting my legs and living happily ever after. It is a lie, I told to my 5 year old which will make her cry when she finds out the truth and will lead… her… to…………therapy……………………….in a few years.
I used to be a very complex person, or so I thought. I was riddled by stress at all angles. In high school, it was whether or not I would be asked to go party on Friday or if Stace and I could get away with staying at the dorms past midnight, or whether Mike* would choose me to hang with rather then the chick he was really in love with.
In College I was drowning in stress from my grades, to my roommate, to bills, and jobs. College was a really hard time for me because I honestly do not think that 18 is old enough to make decisions on your own. I stressed about a major and I stressed about my English teacher. She was this idiot who failed me because she hated my writing. I argued with her that I did the work, she shouldn’t fail me if the work was done and her not liking my writing was a matter of opinion. I hated her. We had an assignment to write about how a movie had impacted or lives. I had written 8 pages on the Wizard of Oz and how each character represented something that Dorothy was looking for. (I.e. Courage, knowledge, heart, etc.) I wrote that it was actually Dorothy’s self worth that she was trying to get home not her physical body. I thought it was brilliant. I also wrote how I related with Dorothy, that I too was looking for courage, knowledge and a heart. She gave me a D for not understanding the project. She told me that I wrote a synopsis of the movie instead of the actual assignment. I saw that a person in my class wrote about “Top Gun” and she got a “B”.
I wasn’t ready and I royally screwed things up. Later when I left then came back I was smarter and more patient. I wrote poetry and considered myself “deep” and complex. I wore cute clothes and hats and I lived in the now.
I have cooled down on my stressing lately. At least I hope I have. I have normal, rational stress now. The kids, money, the dogs, my job. My arms aren’t an itchy, scratchy excema mess that it once was. I do eat a lot and it isn’t always because I am hungry. I cry a lot more now and it isn’t always because I am sad. I worry about the girls and what they are taking in and what they will become. I am constantly thinking and wish that sometimes I can just “shut down”
* Mike – my high school love that was in college and did not realize how much I really thought about him.
I get so mad at my bloggers when they don’t update their sites but I am not the best at updating either.
So I am done with my parties for the week and have made about $150-160. I feel pretty confident about doing it now and I try to make it a fun experience. I have another party on Monday. I am going to try and continue until about December. I would like to get more bookings though. Our open house went well except for the fact that my presentation was last and everybody had already spent their money on the other products. Oh well, My house was clean and that is always a good thing. Pictures are on Blogger to the left.
Once again, and this will be the last time… If any of my local readers want to book a party you get 10% of sales! What a deal. Plus a hostess gift. Ooooh wow. Lookie at the goodness here.
Our weatherman, Hunky Mcweather was wearing “Eternity” cologne today. He asked me to sniff him to see if he put on too much. It brought me right back to 1990 where two of my boyfriends wore the same scent. Jeremy and Bill. It was amazing how a smell brought me right back to that time in milla seconds. In 1990 I was way friggin cute and thin. Hot even. I wore cute little hats and was quick with a comeback. Not like now where something snappy comes to me three days after an argument. It is embarrassing to call someone up and say “Remember what you said, well…. Ditto”
I am such a different person now. It’s a good thing.
I may have mentioned these things the last time but believe me the love is still there. I am nutty about my kids. It is this dilemma that keeps me from possibly going forth with any baby plans. I do not want to alienate the girls in any way. I never want them to feel left out and I never ever want them to feel as though they are not as important as a new baby. On the flip side, I know Alyssa would be a huge help with a new baby and Emma will have a field day telling everyone that she is a big sister. The pros and cons are stacking up. I am not ready to make a decision.
I have been at my job for a year. It went very fast. I am now waiting anxiously for my review so I can get a raise. I am hoping for at least 2-3 dollars more but I know that it will be more like $1 more. I see the budget; I know what is allotted for me. Jeff is actually talking to his boss about his future right now. I am praying about this meeting. It may determine my decision about another baby. I have decided that if I am going to do it, I need to do it very soon. I am hoping that both of our futures look bright with our companies.
Our house is slowly coming together the way we want it too. I am so excited about it. Our living room is sort of 70’s, our den is 60’s, and our kitchen and dining room will hopefully be 50’s. That is the room we are still working on. Jeff is trying to make a deal to get some granite for the countertops. The ones now are very 80’s and they are old. We want to modernize with a vintage feel. Our downstairs bathroom is my favorite. It is orange and brown with some light greens and yellows. I love the feel of the room.
IF I said IF we had another baby their room would be what the toy room is now. It also doubles as a guest room but we haven’t had any guests yet.
I am getting ready for my first party on Saturday. I am hosting it. It will be with work friends so I can screw up and not feel stupid. I am nervous. My second party is on Wednesday, also at my house. It will be an open house with Pampered Chef, Creative Memories, my stuff, and Mary Kay. There will be demos of everything. You can even get a free facial and make over! If you are interested, and of course a local reader, you are welcome to join us. Email me for details.
The baby decision driving me nuts. I think about it constantly. Jeff isn’t. He kind of just goes with the flow. I need a sign. A sign to let me know which decision to make.