Thursday, December 15, 2005

MS stands for Mental Stability.

 Which apparently, I have none. I got the results of my spinal tap yesterday and even though my visual EEG and my MRI show the disease, my spinal tap came up negative. My neurologist says that the ST is 100% accurate. So we are stumped. Actually, that was his words. I was too busy crying about the pain I have in my legs and the electrical shocks I get through my body and headaches, blurred vision, loss of memory, etc….. I am more or less, nuts.

I am probably creating these symptoms as a way to relieve my stress. Stress. It should be a four letter friggin word because I hate it. For the past three years that was my diagnosis. There is nothing I can do for it. It was always be there. And as many yoga classes I think about taking and as many baths I relax in or trips to Laguna I go on, It isn’t going away.

I am very sad. I don’t know why. I don’t have a debilitating disease. I should be rejoicing. However, I am not. I am in pain and I was basically told that it was in my head. Jeff got the mother load when he married me. I am such a prize. A crazy, stressed, neurotic, blind fat woman who fills his life with guilt, anger and pain.

 

I had a whole day to think about it. I am now going to concentrate on my job and my children and the fact that it is Christmas and Hanukah. My favorite time of the year.

3 comments:

daymentedcom said...

Well I am glad it's not MS.  And they've been diagnosing you for "stress" since we were in HIGH SCHOOL.
Have you thought about electroshock therapy?  Or maybe Jeff can bring home a tazer and taze you every few days.
I wish I knew how to help you....

cyndiblock said...

Ditto baby.

stilgigln said...

What a relief to not have MS!  Wow!  That is fantastic news.  What types of doctors have you been to?