Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Sweatin

We are going to New York in March. I need to lose weight. I need for my numerous relatives to not look at me with pity and think, “my, she is healthy.” So, last night I put on sweats. MMMMmmmm sweats. And put in an old classic. Sweatin to the Oldies starring Richard Simmons and a bunch of sweaty fatties. You may think that is cruel but when you are Jewish you are allowed to tell Jew jokes and when you are ummm larger than the average bear, Fatty is a word you can throw around like a beach ball. Anyway. I really enjoy this tape. It is a lot of fun. I do have a few problems with it.

  1. The fatties never lose weight. No matter how many times you see the tape, they will always be the same size. That is discouraging.
  2. Richard Simmons insists on hugging the singer after a song not really thinking about whether he is sweaty or if she wants him to hug her.
  3. I’m gonna bet a fin that these fatties are not working out throughout this entire tape and some careful editing was done as well as tanks and tanks of oxygen was used to keep them from passing out. Because after 20 minutes of “It’s my party” I was spitting up blood and waiting for my left eye to pop out.
  4. The dancers/ fatties obviously had instructions to keep smiling because that is what they do. THE WHOLE TAPE.

Emma started working out with me.  But after a few minutes went to “pway” with her Boo doll. Boo did a few kicks and jumps too but then realized that Barbie needed someone to do her hair and Boo had just gotten her cosmetology license.  My plan is to jump and kick every night with Richard. I will then move up to Pilates but not until I stop the internal bleeding in my left side.

2 comments:

perryeicher said...

I bet my RIGHT one would be pop out first.

daymentedcom said...

My arm would fall off.
(I hate when that happens)