Tuesday, August 31, 2004

I'm Bustin Jerry! I'm Bustin!

That is what George always says to Jerry Seinfeld when things are going well for him. In case you didn't know, I am a huge Seinfeld fan. Well, I'm bustin Jerry!, I'm bustin! School was amazing! It was everything I could hope for and more! I am so excited to get started. Reflexology is not a foot massage it is a healing process using pressure on your foot. No lotions or creams are used.  I really love giving foot massages and now I get to learn how to heal too! I am Bustin! I have classes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. I will be so busy this year. My brother in law and sister in law and all the cousins are coming in late November. In early November we are going to Laguna again. (My happy place) If we get selected for this show then filming will be at the end of September. No word yet from them. I giggled a lot on the interview so they probably think I am slightly mental. If they don't think I am then Emma showing the lady her panties and Alyssa deciding to do handstands in a dress may clue them in on the mental standing of this family. The picture is of the full moon when I got out of class last night. It was orange.

Alyssa liked school except that her classroom was very far away and she had to walk. :( But she said that so far 2nd grade is harder then 1st. go figure. ) Emma was pleased with her class but you really can't complain when you snack and nap and have someone wipe your butt after you poop. She was happy with her new class.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Stand away from the Mom

Apparently, the embarressment emotion kicks in earlier then I can remember. Nowadays it kicks in at 2nd grade.WAH.She didn't want me to walk her to her class!(but I did) And she wouldn't let me take pictures. (but I did) Look at her face. She just about hates me in that picture. We met her teacher and she saw some friends and she said to me. "Step away from the Mom" WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN??? So I left. kinda teary with my tail between my legs. Emma ran off with her little friends too.It is a sad day at the Tatum house.

P.S. I start school tonight and my mommy can walk me to class any day. They will come back to me. Oh yes, they will come back.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Summer Lovin' Had me a blast

This horrible summer is now complete. Alas school will start in the morn. I figure that we will have to get up at 4 to get it all together. Emma starts a new class and I just don't want to leave her. Alyssa starts a new class and I can't just leave her. I start classes tomorrow too.. I am very nervous. I know that all of the future refloxologists in my new class will be 18 and weigh105 and they will all be wearing belly shirts with naval rings.  I will inform you of all I learn on Tuesday.

This weekend was OK. Emma and Alyssa started Ballet. They were Sooo excited. Emma couldn't shut up about it. That is until;the class actually started and she ran out of class sniffling and crying.She didn't like ballet. She wouldn't even go back into the classroom. And once Emma decides on something it is said and done.She ripped off her pink leotard and flung her pink socks and pink ballet shoes but kept on her pink hair bow.She pinkie promised my mom that she will try again next time. Alyssa did really well and loves it. Then it was off to Dim Sum again and the Kohls where they  were having fabulous sales on back to school clothes. Alyssa is set for the next year.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

pictures from Julia

Julia sent pictures from their last visit. I hated Jeff's beard thingie and had him shave it.We all look pretty tired.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Jeffs leg

This is an update of Jeff's leg.It is so much better and no leg hair!! Excellent!

My dog. Spooky

This is Spooky. I got him for Mother's day 1998 a week before I got fired from a job I had been at for 3 years. That isn't really relevant but I always thoughtthat he brought on bad luck.Especially since Jeff had gotten fired two days after me. It has been a rocky road since then. But Spooky is special. He is a very loving, needy, dog that always has to be touching you in some way. He LOVES Alyssa. I mean really loves her where he always has to be near her and on her and sniffing her. It really drives her crazy. This blog entry is dedicated to Spooky Disco Lemonade Tatum

Thursday, August 26, 2004

you are such a baby

Yes! I am talkiing to you! You can't wait to hear my news. Well, I will tell you part of it. Our family has been approached by a reality show. We were interviewed today on video and we will find out if we have been selected next week. I am not telling you the name of the show because I will not be demoralized at this point and time.  I want to wait until later.  So calm yourself down.  Thare ain't no more dang nammit babies comin from this body no mores. This house is closed.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

What the big news ISN"T

It isn't any of these:

I am not pregnant ( thanks for checking, Stace)

I am not employed

We didn't win a lot of money

We didn't pose for any nudie mags

We did not film our own home movie

I, nor my husband are running for political office.

Jeff is NOT quitting driving despite THIS news,much to my dismay

We, as far as we are aware have not been kidnapped by aliens.

A respectable family

That really big thing that I was talking about may have to be revealed very soon. I will know before the next few weeks. In the mean time, here is a picture of us..... The Tatums.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004


I am a big girl. I do not deny that. I wasn't always a big girl. I was a very skinny girl. I blame my weight gain on my drivers licence. I really started to get fat at 16. I drove to the fast food places. I am a fast food junkie. I love convienence. I love hamburgers. When I went to college at UNR I didn't have a car and I was thin again. Voila! Car = Fat. Fat = sad cyndi. I saw a very large man on the strip last week. This guy was HUGE. Just a head really on a giant body. I felt so sad for him because he was all alone. I wanted to get out of my car and ask him to hang out. Not really, but I would've if I were that kind of person.  I hate that fat is such an issue. I love that I heard that Melissa Etheridge has gained a lot of weight. I mean she is rich. Mega rich and still she gained weight. That makes me happy because sometimes fat is unavoidable. She could hire a nutritionist, hire a trainer, liposuction. But she hasn't because she is happy and does'nt feel the need to impress anybody but herself. I am Phatgirl and my superpower is the ability to eat even when I am not hungry.

Monday, August 23, 2004

The "job"

The "job" and I put that lightly, was a bookstore job at the college. When I went to the orientation on Friday I didn't know two things.

1. It was a two to three week temporary position only during rush

2. it paid $6 an hour

Hmm, lets see. Putting Alyssa in daycare would cost me $160 a week and I would have made $60 a week, Momma didn't raise no stupids. I gracefully declined via email because momma most certainly raised a coward. So here I am deciding what I want to do,. School starts in one week and the ONE class I took last semester was difficult, this semester I have FOUR.  Do I want to work? NO

Do I need to work? YES

I need a decent paying part time position now. I am looking.

Emma alept for 15 hours yesterday and woke up singing like a short bus special child. I heart antibiotic shots. Saw a Cinderella Story with Alyssa today. In a seven year olds world it was oscar worthy. My world, not so much.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

I was madly in love with Aquaman.

Take this Superhero quiz to see who you really are.


What a weekend. Very busy. Something very big may be happening to the Tatum family but it isn't confirmed yet so I will not tell you what it is. I will only say that it is neither really really good or really really bad.. Confused? So am I.

On Saturday we went to the Nevada Ballet Open House because the girls will be taking ballet starting next week.  They are really excited. We also went to our usual Saturday afternoon Dim Sum. Emma ate 10 shrimp balls! The waiters kept pointing and laughing..  Shrimp balls are my favorite too but Emma only let me have two. Shrimp balls are steamed shrimp wrapped in rice noodle. YUM. But I only got two. Today Emma was at the doctors. (No connection to the ten shrimp balls) She threw up 4 times in a half hour. Now the funny little thing about Emma is that she is a neat puker. She always runs to the toilet, throws up, then wipes her little mouth and the seat. No one taught her that, she just does it that way. Alyssa on the other hand is Reagan from the Exorcist. (Have I used that connection before?)   Turns out that she had tonsilittis, pharengitis and an ear infection in BOTH ears! It came from nowhere. She was one sick little critter. She fell asleep on the doctors table.Only to wake up to have a tongue depresser in her mouth. She got a shot in her tush which made her really mad. She has been asleep since 4:30. It is now 11:00. She needs the sleep though.  I will keep you updated on the big news.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Ho Hum

Ummm, I think I got a job. No hold on hold on, No need to scream and shout. Re- cork the champagne. It is at the campus bookstore part time before my classes. The manager seemed pretty cool when I asked her about jobs. I gave her my card with my name. The card has a picture of Elmo on it and she thought that was funny. I am, by the way, extremely funny. Well, It doesn't pay too much, well, hardly anything at all. Finacially I am taking a huge step back. But I think I will enjoy it, I can wear what I want and I will already be there for my classes. It is actually in the same building. I have orientation tomorrow at 9. I will fill you in after that. I wouldn't mind a job that I don't have to take too seriously. I am sure the manager will be happy about that.  I am also working furiously on my book. By the way, I am writing a book. It is about this woman during the civil war. She is a primadonna who lives in a house called Tara. This very rich man is in love with her but she loves another. A married man named Ashley. Although I may change his name to Bob because Ashley is kind of girley. 

Monday, August 16, 2004

What day is it?

So this week comes to an end with Julia and Rick going home tomorrow. We had a good time. We went to Wet N Wild today. After being there two hours a monsoon started up. If you think I am kidding I am not! We couldn't believe it. They ordered everyone out of the rides and pools and to take cover!! Now let me explain. This is Vegas. It doesn't rain. Like I said before. It only really rains in August but when it does. Oh boy, hold on to your trailers because they will literally be swept away. Vegas floods, bad! And there are always idiots that think they can drive through the water and these people always get stuck. Unfortunatly, last year the fire departmenet were the ones that got stuck and had to be air lifted out of the water. In the pictures you can see us all hiding under our towels and the water bouncing off of the table. It came down so fast and so hard. The kids freaked! So much for the dancing carnies that they were a few weeks ago with the gentle summer storm. They were really freaked. Before the storm Emma went down a ride called the black hole. It is what it says. A long, pitch black hole. She rode on my stomach. It was really scary. A lot like birth. As soon as it ended she said" I don't want to do that again, mommy" Much like Varuca Salt said after she went on the scary boat ride with Willy Wonka. "Daddy, I want a boat just like this!" and after the ride, "Daddy, I do not want a boat like this." Emma was the same. She was all excited about going on the ride too.  I learned a lot about life from Willy Wonka. The Shnozzberries really do taste like Shnozzberries and Sometimes Jeff eats so fast I must tell him "Agustus, save some room for later." 

Friday, August 13, 2004

How to be Hap hap happy like me

So I had a really crappy day. So I am having a really crappy summer, so I am feeling sorry for myself. As my brother has said over a million times in the last two days, " At least you are not Scott Peterson" I am not sure how I feel about that but I am not going to tell you why my day was crappy. In fact, I am not going to tell you when anything goes wrong in my life anymore. I am only going to tell you the good things that happen because I am upsetting my mother.

The good things that are happening is Julia and Rick came in yesterday. Julia has been playing and taking care of my kids the entire time. I sure she will sleep for a month when she gets home. rick and Alyssa have chased each other around trying to give each other atomic wedgies. We went to breakfast at Mimi's and drove up to the mountains. It was very nice. We then experienced some crappiness for about two hours then we went to take pictures. That is what this family does. We take lots and lots of professional pictures. We don't know why. we just like to pose I guess. We will see them tomorrow and I will post ASAP.

P.S. A super dooper yay goes out to my brother in law, Rick and his wife Jennifer. They are coming to visit us in November for the first time in 9 years! My heart is so full I had to take off my bra. I am making lists of where to take them in Merry Old Vegas.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Summer Vacation + Makeup = something not so good

We are bored. Emma is home with me and Alyssa this week since Rick and Julia are coming in on Thursday. The President will be here on Thursday as well so I am sure the airport will be completely empty and free flowing that day. Kerry came in today and is speaking tonight. Abbe and her mom are going to hear him. We are pro-Kerry. I can't get into all of my political views right here and now because of my select audience but believe me I have my opinions. My opinion is that Bush needs to go. But Like I said, I am not saying anything here.


We did something pretty nice this last weekend. My sister-in-law, Julia has a sister named Luba who is having a  baby. We love Julia's entire family and really want to be close. So we decided to drive 400 miles to give Luba a  surprise baby shower. Julia nd Rick ( My brother) were in California for a conference, so we joined them for a day. Luba seemed overwhelmed which was nice. Look at the expression on her face! Well, it was really nice. But not as nice as that hotel they were staying at! It was the Westin Boneventure in downtown L.A. Holy Moly. Us Vegas hillbillies ain't seen nuttin like that befo. To get the idea of the hotel, it was the one they used to film the "horse in the hotel scene" in True Lies with the Governer of California. It was very nice. But I am bummed because in the picture of me and the girls in the pool, the hotel was in the background and it was just beautiful with the glass elevators but you can't see it in the picture.  You are gonna have take my word for it.  Luba and Julia are very sweet. We are thrilled to have them in our lives and cannot wait to meet their other sister, Sveta who is still in Russia. But reads this journal and comments a lot. Sorry Sveta, you were there in spirit! Luba and her husband, David's baby, Daniel is such a sweet boy. He barely cried when Alyssa knocked his head into the wall......twice. Or when Emma chased him around to zerbert his belly whether he wanted a spit ridden blow on his tummy or not. That poor little boy had pure fear on his face the entire time the girls were with him in Laguna last November. They REALLY love him!!!!  Any way. it was a nice time. The trip wasn't too bad. Julia and Rick will be here on Thursday so I will have more pictures.

Monday, August 9, 2004

long time

I know it's been a long time since my last entry. I have just been in a not so creative place lately.  I call that place California. I will write more soon.

Tuesday, August 3, 2004


As I said before, This is Alyssa's last week of school for the first grade. Her teacher. Ms. Horn, Had a little time capsule thing today where she brought out work the kids did in the first week of achool and work they have done now and it was amazing. They have really progressed. As she was saying goodbye she really lost it and started crying. She said that teaching is not just a job, it is her life. She eats , lives, and breathes it. She can't go anywhere without thinking that "Ooh the kids would've loved to have seen that!" But she said something that made me think. She said that  she may not remember every kid in all of her classes but every kid will always remember her. Everybody remembers their teachers. And she said that there is a lot of pressure to know that you are always going to be remembered and you want those memories to be good ones. It was really nice.

 I remember all of my teachers vividly. And at the time I thought they hung the moon. Looking back I remember that some of the things they did weren't the best things in the world. They helped shape me into the person I am. I should send them my therapy bills. Just kidding, I am not in therapy but if I were, they would hear from me. Mrs King, I want $250 from you for making me throw out my pencil just because it was sharpened down to a nub. Miss Mottus, I am not even going to begin with what you owe me. Talk about favoring certain students. She had some kids from my class in her wedding!! (not me) And for some reason, I can't remember my 5th grade teachers name even though I was teachers pet. She even started me on my love of theater yet I can't place her name. Mom? can you help?

Ms Horn, you were a great teacher. Thank you for being so nice to my kid.

PS: Doesn't Jeff's leg look better?

The bean bag chair is a success

Emma conked out on the chair which made me wish there was a giant bean bag chair in the bedroom for me to sleep in. Actually I kinda wish there was a big hole to crawl in. I haven't been having too good a time this summer. With the van catching on fire and Jeff's body going up in flames, Alyssa in the hospital again and me and Emma sick for the past two months... And then me not getting this job. Should I go on? I am so low I could walk under a pregnant ant. maybe even lower. I have put out 10 resumes's. I just want to contribute to the house with my own money. Jeff works his ass off. grovel grovel (feel sorry for myself moment) Ok  I am done. good nite

Monday, August 2, 2004

Big loser walking

If you guys have seen a break lately please stop it so I CAN CATCH IT! Big loser walking did not get the job. What a surprise.

Loser spelled out with naked people

Loser in sign

donations are to the left of this entry. I will now need money for interview pantyhose.



Sunday, August 1, 2004


my name in sign

Nothing to tell

What a boring weekend. Did nothing! This is the last week of school. I have to get this house in order before school is out. I wouldn't want anyone to enter me in a contest for the messiest house AGAIN. Thanks to that person who shall remain nameless but name rhymes with Swommy.

I just need to get rid of the millions of dollars worth of toys I have in this house and figure out what to do with the mountains of clothes we seem to have that need to be washed. Alyssa and Emma are at the age where they need to change clothes every hour. The princesses need fresh material for every mood. Did nothing this weekend really except for that little shopping fiasco at Sears. Had a tea party with the girls last night that consisted of water and cheerios with marshmellow fluff. That gave me the sugar high I needed to push out the recliner with my butt and watch Nick at Nite. I love Roseanne. Classic 80's show. That was it.