Sunday, May 30, 2004

My Mommy

This has been a very hard week. My parents left for an Alaskan cruise last Wednesday. They first flew to Vancouver and actually left for the cruise on Friday. They are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. 40 years! In a row! My mom says that she would've gotten out of prison by now if she was in for murder. 40 years is a long time. Jeff and I have been together for 12.

Anyway, getting back to my mom. I literally talk to her everyday. Everyday. We spend every Saturday together running errands and usually taking the girls to Dim Sum. Well I am going two Saturdays without this routine and it is making me sad. I just can't seem to get that fur umbilicle cord off of my neck. I hope they are having fun but I want it to go fast.

We had a busy weekend. Saturday we went to Gage's 4th birthday party. A son of my close friend, Nicole and Sunday we went to Abbe's.  Gage is Emma's first love. She was actually conceived the night he was born. They are betrothed. If you ask her who she is going to marry she says Gagey.

I have to keep busy to forget that my mom left me for my father. She is so selfish.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

I am sick

I am sick. I am coughing and grumpy and I have no voice. Alyssa says I have airingitis. She says it is when air gets in my lungs and take my voice. She is very clever. She knows because they teach her EVERYTHING in 1st grade. Everybody is asleep right now and I am very tired but I like the alone time more then the sleep time. I am probably the only one is this free country not watching American Idol right now. I just didn't care this time.

 Tomorrow is Thursday and I guess Jeff will spend the day under MaryBelle again. Apparently she has an attractive undercarriage.


Sunday, May 23, 2004

Spooky & Otis

This is Spooky "Disco Lemonade" Tatum. He is a Basset Hound and he has been very naughty lately. He has been going through trash, drinking out of the toilet, bolting outside when we open the door and sleeping on the beds. He knows he is not allowed to do this. He gets spanked everytime he does and yet he still does it. With children I know the drill, they act up because any attention is still attention but with Spooky I can't figure it out. He has a giant bowl of fresh water right next to his giant bowl of food right next to the giant pillow he is supposed to sleep on. As for the bolting.... all he does is go to the tree in our front lawn to sniff and pee and then he comes right back. Our backyard has a tree too and he has a doggie door to go out there anytime he wants. Something about the "front". The forbidden. The girls are not allowed to go out there without me either so the "Front" is exciting to them too. The other picture is Otis Spunkmeyer Tatum. He is an Akita / Timberwolf mix. He has this huge growth on his neck. He has been to two doctors that assure me that it is only a fluid filled sac. It does not hurt him but it looks stupid. One doctor told me that if I was unsure about her diagnosis she would shave him and biopsy it for $600. The other said $400. I am assuming that they would have to put him out since he weighs 220. I love him but I don't have that money for him to get a haircut and a shave. He isn't in any pain and he is a great dog. He is getting old. 54 in doggie days..When Spooky bolts outside then comes back in he and Otis sniff each other and do the doggie equivalent of a high five.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Ebay Shmebay

I am sad to report but after 6 years of stress, I am quitting Ebay. I am not doing very well and I am paying huge fees. It is not working out for me. Of course I may change my mind if I find a really rare set of Pepsi crystal noritake salt and pepper shakers but as of right now,  I am done. Finit finito fin.

On other subjects, I got a C in my class. I am thrilled because I did pretty poorly on my tests. Now I is a reel kollege stewdent. We had a very busy day today. Put it this way, it is 6:30 and Emma is already out. I hope she stays out for the rest of the night because she woke up at 6 and didn't have a nap today. We saw Shrek 2 again. We saw it on Thursday night too. It is very funny and has a few "adult" jokes in it that the kids miss. My mom wanted to see it so we went again. We then went and had professional pictures done with the girls and my parents. When I get them I will post the pictures. They turned out great. The look I don't get at the mall is the girls that are wearing words like"juicy" and "Princess" on their butts. Who is letting their girls out and letting them wear this crap? I wouldn't want some perv staring at my kids ass.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

the girls

Jeff Foxworthy said it best when he said" I hold my 1 year old daughter in my arms , with her little white tights and her fluffy, ruffled panties and beautiful frilly dress and think about how sweet and innocent she is and how much she adores and loves me, her father. And how one day she will be sitting in the back of a pick up truck smoking cigarette with her friends saying" My dad's such a dick" I am paraphraseing of course but it brings me to my point. Right now Alyssa and Emma think Jeff and I hang the moon and one day they will be slamming a door screaming " I hate you, I wish you weren't my parents!" It kills me. Alyssa already rolls her eyes at me and thinks that I just don't get it. It will get worse. Jeff once had hair down the middle of his back and his arms are filled with tattoos and he had a 55 Panhead Harley and drove a Jeep CJ -5 and thought he was the coolest thing going, Well, to me he was but I told him that it didn't matter what he looked like the girls were still going to be embarressed by him. Alec Baldwin was on Howard Stern a few months ago saying that his daughter made him drop her off a block away from where she had to go because she was embarressed that her dad was driving her. He said" Do you know who your father is?? I am Alec Baldwin!!!" But she didn't care. He was still her embarressing daddy. You do your best and hope for the best.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

schools out for the summer!

Yay! Schools out and I think I pulled a C. I hope. It was one hard class. My next classes start Aug 30. It is a fabulous feeling being back in school. These were some of the things I noticed that had changed in the last 12 years.

1. I have to sit very close to the board now because my eyes are a lot worse then they were 12 years ago.

2. In the syllabus it asks for us to turn off our cellular phones and beepers. That is different.

3. The professor asks us to call her by her first name.

4. The professors have email addresses

5. 18 year old boys are a lot better looking then they were in 1992.

6. 18 year old girls are more outspoken and sure of themselves and they wear a lot of belly shirts.

7. There are no more chalkboards, they are now dry erase boards.

But I had a good time. It was great to use my head again for something other then deciding which Teletubbie was Tinky Winky and which was Po.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Cheesy Vegas

If you ever come to Vegas I have decided to make a list of the truly cheesiest, touristy things for you to do.

1. The World's largest gift shop, Elvis swinging hips clocks to dice clocks. - Sahara & Las Vegas Blvd

2. The Excalibur hotel - The whole thing screams cheese.

3. The Luxor, Just to see how serious the employees are about the obelisk(sp) Believe me, I worked there.

4 Circus Circus circus acts. UGH..

5 Slots O' Fun 99 cent shrimp cocktail or the worlds largest hot dogs. The shrimp are probably sea mokeys and need I say anything about a hot dogs that big?

6. Elvis O Rama Museum - everything Elvis

7. Liberace Museum . Wear sunglasses when you go inside. ( a lot of jewels)

8. Fremont Street light show

9. The Caesars Palace medallion necklaces

10. Any wedding chapel where Elvis can offiate the ceremony.

AND... If you do come to Vegas and take a cab, PLEASE tip them well. It is hard work and no, tip is not included in the fare.


Friday, May 14, 2004

The friggin car

It is a 2 10, a 2 10, a 2 10. Alright, alright. I don't know CRAP about cars. Give me a friggin break! It is a 2 10 because apparently a S 10 is a truck. Go shoot me for I have sinned. A 2 10

Thursday, May 13, 2004

The car

The car.. What else is new but the car. Ok first off, we were mistaken, it is not a 56 Chevy Bel Air as we first thought but a 56 Chevy 2 10. First thing we did was replace the steering wheel. It was as if Jeff was driving a semi. And it was too close to his Little Jeffy. Everytime he went over a speed bump his voice went up an octave. 2nd was adjust the carb. Blah blah blah Carb. Because I don't know what any of that means. Driving along today we got 4 thumbs up and a few waves. Apparently this is a status thing for my man. He says he is going to start carrying his smokes in his sleeves. The car is going to be named Mary Belle. Because according to Stephen King,s The Shining, cars are named after women. My friend Perry said that too. Thanks P! 

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Jeff's new ride

Jeff got a new car. A 56 Chevy Bel Air. He is so excited he is about to bust. He can't wait towork on it. This has been my dream car since I was 16 also. It is an awesome ride. We got a screamin deal. We just have to name it now. We have Mr. Fat Jack but we are looking for more.

Sunday, May 9, 2004

Happy Mothers Day

I had a pretty groovy Mothers day. We first went to the Rainforest Cafe in the MGM for breakfast where Cha Cha the frog came and posed with the girls. Emma loves anything big and freaky. She loves walking characters, she wouldn't care if it was a giant piece of poop with a face. If he was there to pose then so will she.  Alyssa put on a less revealing t-shirt 30 minutes after this picture was taken. Rainforest Cafe is this super cool restaurant that has a real jungle inside it. Every half hour or so their "animals" come alive along with a thunderstorm.The kids love it.  We then skipped on over to the Sesame Street Live show. Alyssa was pouting because she thought she was too old for Sesame Street (as if there is some such thing) But let me tell you, she started rocking out to the music as soon as it started. The big fuzzy picture with all the Elmo heads were mylar balloons which they sell at intermission. $8 EACH!!! No thank you. We spent $2000 on T shirts, dolls and hats instead. Well, At least the hat and t shirt wont fade away in 2-3 days.Anyway this display of balloons is amazing. The guy selling them is holding about 200 balloons at a time. How he doesn't get them tangled is amazing to me. Well, I was impressed.

Saturday, May 8, 2004

Being an adult

I am a mommy. Can you believe that someone just gave me two kids? They didn't check references they just gave me them. This picture is from Alyssa's Mothers day celebration in her class. She made me a flower pot with three flower pens in it. It is way cool. That is the best part of being a mommy is the gifts. It is hard being an adult though. A lot of responsability(sp) And if you screw up you can't run and hide. Or call a "do-over" Tomorrow should be a grand day, we are going to see Sesame Street Live, yes I do live life on the edge. Maybe the Elmo character will get mad at the Ernie character and a fuzzy fist fight will break out.

Tuesday, May 4, 2004

Some of my favorite smells

Went to the tire store today to get my rear right tire plugged. and realized I loved the smell of rubber. Scotch tape too. Is that odd? I love the smell of rain ( of Course) baby head, Jeff, Library books, vanilla, cucumber melon, and strawberries.. I also love the smell of Mt Charleston trees, clean clothes, and leather.

I served my kids pop tarts annd didn't even toast them. Bad mommy award. I also told Alyssa that the library was closed because I didn't feel like going. I hurt the children when I brush their hair, I serve them canned spaghetti and frozen waffles. I spend countless hours on the computer while my kids watch countless hours of TV. I talk to my friends on the phone when I should be on the floor playing Barbies and I use the excuse " she is just a baby she doesn't know better" when Emma hurts Alyssa.

I do all this but I am absolutly crazy about my kids.

It's a Mystery

It is a mystery how after a bath Emma and Alyssa's hair can smell just like wet doggie hair but in the morning like baby shampoo. Hmmmmmm

Sunday, May 2, 2004

Fabulous Las Vegas

We went to the Bellagio today. The girls saw the flower garden for the first time. For those of you that don't know, The Bellagio has this giant flower garden that they change every few weeks into a different theme. This week was Butterflies. Then the last picture is Alyssa in front of the Chihuly Glass ceiling. Anybody that doesn't know Chihuly is truly missing out.  It made me realize how amazing Las Vegas is. You can go anywhere in the world and stay here! The girls LOVE Cinderella's castle ( Excalibur) and they love the Rainforest Cafe and they cannot wait to ride the Roller Coaster at The New York  New York.